Your spot on the couch

IMG_2065DSC_0039 Yesterday was 5 months that you have been at the bridge. Of course you know you have a new brother. you hand picked him for me. I shed a few tears last night as I was standing beside your memory garden. I am so happy that Daryl made his way into my life, but he is not you. I still miss you a lot. He has a lot of your traits, yet is so very different. You are teaching him so well though, he is staying right with me in the yard. He likes your couch. When  saw this this morning, the poem about willing your things to a shelter dog came to mind. Please know that you are not being replaced, although I know that is what everyone is thinking about me now. Look, she just went out and found herself another 3 legged black lab. We know better, you and I, #1, I am not replacing you, rather honoring you in adopting Daryl and #2, I did not in any way start searching for a 3 legged black lab. He was heaven sent. Thank you boy, I love you!  Cannot seem to stop crying today, makes no sense. Just a little bit hard to see someone besides Ty laying there looking up at me. I am getting there, bit by bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love Daryl, I am just still adjusting to life without my TY Guy. BTW: Ty is on left and Daryl on right.

Hi Mama!

imageimageI found these 3 pennies on my husband’s nightstand this morning. Now, I know I cleaned that change off there. Wonder where these came from….hmmmm!  I use my bags that my tripod jewelry came in to save my  ” coins from Ty” the small one contains all of the pennies that I found on the day that Ty went to the bridge. My sign from all the angels there that they would take care of my boy. This is the only place I could admit to saving these treasures. Nobody else knows about my little stash. I know that I won’t be laughed at here. These were old pennies, one was from 1976. He must be digging deep holes to find them. Not sure if anyone gets the arrangement or not, Ty was a right front amp. I have been sick all week, he must have felt I needed a pick me up. I am telling you all, I am honest to goodness NOT putting this stuff in there. The leaves and now the pennies,   Gotta be My Ty Guy! Thank you precious boy, I love and miss you so very much!

4 months as an Angel


Yesterday was 4 months since TY went to the bridge. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my boy! I went outside yesterday and this is what I found in Ty’s garden. 3 leaves lined up just so. And if you look a bit to the right, you can see a smaller leaf. TY was a front, right Tripawed. I think the message here is that the cancer, the sickness, the surgery, all of the yucky stuff, was just a small part of Ty’s life and legacy. I honestly did not put those leaves there and there was no one else that could have done it. There is only one explanation for it. Call me crazy, but I am going to grab any sign my boy sends. Love and miss you my precious Ty!

Signs from TY

DSC_0324 Wednesdays continue to be rather rough days. today, I had to take Chandler to the vet. Just for a check up. You were looking out for him, he is in good health, just heavy. He needs less to eat. I was shaking when I pulled my car in. Thankfully, we were put in a different room than when we took you that dreadful day. I miss you so much! So today, I got a wonderful thank you gift from Esther and Snoop for sending your harness to them. See, we are not forgetting you. Then something really strange happened. I usually get on the forum with my tablet, but today, I used my computer. when it started to come up, the song from the Angel Tribute started playing. Just for a few seconds, but enough that I recognized it. So of course, I HAD to go back and search for it so I could watch it again. Still cry like a baby the whole way through it. I still wish I could have you back, but I will have to just wait until I join you someday to hug you again. I will let you jump on me all you want and I will kiss those velvety soft ears. Keep sending me signs that you are still here with me. My heart still hurts a lot and I need them. Miss and Love you my shiny boy. Love Mommy


3 months you have been away

imageToday is 3 month since That awful day I had to set you free from your hurting body. I miss you so! I saw this picture this week and I really like it. I can see you running to the front and jumping on me just like the dog in this picture. I think I miss your Lab lean the most…no your eyes……no, your happy tail……no your shoe stealing…….no, your velvet ears……no, your snuggles. I think I want to order a blanket so I can wrap myself up next to your picture. I heard this sound coming from the dryer yesterday. Tick, tick, tick, almost the rythymic sound your tail used to make, only I could tell it was change. It just sounded a lot faster than change sounds in the dryer. There were 2 pennies and a dime in there. From you? I like to think so. I keep looking my boy. I really do. My heart still hurts a lot. I hope you are having a great time where you are. Look for Muffin, Bingo and Butterscotch. They were before you but with you now. Teagan also you 2 were good friends. I will have a few cats purring at my feet when I get to Heaven also. I was a window today that was stained glass, it depicted animals and children romping in Heaven. I will post it another time, it is still just on my camera. You have such a wonderful soul, I have to believe that it still exists somewhere and I will hug your neck again. That is the only way I can get through this. It is so hard, you went to the bridge on April 16th, also my Dad’s Birthday. My 3 rd Granddaughter was born on May 16th so I definitely know when your month angel anniversaries are. Bittersweet. my Granddaughter is another month older and you have been gone yet another month. Sometimes I still get the feeling, like a very small inkling that you will be there when I am coming home from somewhere. Ugh, then the reality hits. I love you my big, sweet boy, always will, Mommy

new addition to garden

DSC_0095DSC_0097DSC_0099I had found 3 flat stones a few weeks ago. I knew I wanted to do something with them for your memory garden, but I was not exactly sure what that was. For some reason, I kept putting it off. I thought about, My TY GUY, I love Ty and even I <3 u. I just left them sit in the garage. Today has been a rough one for me buddy. I am not so sure why. It is not an anniversary of anything. I am just missing you so much today. I have gotten out your box and held your collar to my face and buried my nose into your bag of fur and bawled my eyes out. Funny, nowhere else could I admit I did this. I sat outside on the rock beside your garden and it hit me. I had found 3 rocks. I knew exactly what I would do with them.  The plaque has been in there since I made the garden, but I don’t think the inscription was readable. So true! Hurts, but it is so true.  I have found pennies and dimes for the last 2 days. This morning the soap wrapper was drug out of the trash. I know Lucy was probably the culprit, but it made me think of you. Oh, to hug you again. To feel those ears of silk, to see those kind eyes looking at me. I hope you are having the time of your life at the bridge. I now know when I get the courage and knowhow to make your tribute slideshow, that is the song I am going to use. (I hope you have the time of your life!) Just hit me now, that is what I will use. I love you TY Guy!

Ty’s Ribbon is done!

DSC_0084    Not perfect by any means. I am a menace with a hot glue gun! I think he would like it though. I knew it HAD to include shoes. And of course, angel wings since he was an angel on earth and is now an angel in heaven. It wound up too stiff to tie because I hot glued shoe ribbon to the back to cover the stitching. I am not a master sewer either. So, I glued another piece to tie onto leash. The heart is for the piece of my heart that will always be his. I love that he will be remembered in this way. Making things for him is therapeutic in some strange way. It says that he existed and mattered to someone. My neighbor named his new dog Atom. He explained it yesterday….He matters! An atom is matter. Cute! Ty mattered to me and I love him, that is a pretty good thing for a dog to get to say about his life here on earth. I still miss him so tremendously and can tear up so easily. So here is to you TY!!!! Your Tribute Ribbon, Mommy loves and misses you!

10 weeks and feels like yesterday:(

DSC_0068DSC_0072DSC_0071DSC_0070DSC_0069 Ty it has been 10 weeks today that you have not been physically here. My heart still hurts a lot and I am just beginning to accept the reality that you are not coming back. Most days I feel as if everyone else has moved on and I am somehow stuck. I finished, well almost finished, your scrapbook. I have found a few more pictures to add. I am afraid to get another Puppy because he wont be you. There will never be another TY and I have to face that fact. It is not a fair expectation to place on another dog. You were one of a kind my boy. I am sending Lucy and Chan to the doggie hotel soon and I am so nervous. Losing you has placed new fears in me. You always had such a good time there except I think your jumping could get a bit much. You watch over them ok? Please send me a picture, a penny or a dime and let me know you are ok. I found a 4 leaf clover from the lawn mower the other day. From you? I just looked down and there it was. I miss you as much today as when you first left. It is in some ways not as raw a pain, but it hurts as much because the permanence of this is setting in. I will never hug your neck again on earth and that makes me feel scared and sad.  The only thing that brings me any comfort at all is the fact that you no longer have pain. I am so very sorry it took me so long to accept that you were not going to beat this. These are a few pages from the scrapbook, will post more another day. Miss and love you my boy, Mommy




I was little once!

DSC_0065DSC_0066Found these today. Thank you my boy. I needed them. missing you a lot this week. Your brother got an upset tummy from some new food and he would not eat and just laid around. Brought back some memories of you feeling so bad. I am still looking for your bath picture. I got your scrapbook done, well, now I want to add these in. That would be a good thing, I finish and you keep sending pictures. Look at how Chandler is looking at you with such love in his eyes. We got you because we thought you were lonely. And who can forget Barky Brinkley, she is still pretty much the same. we must have been dog sitting her when this was taken. You guys had such fun running and romping in the yard together. I guess all in all, you probably thought you had life pretty good. Labs are always so happy and you were no exception. We have to redo the porch steps as they are sinking into the driveway. I know, you never used them anyway. You just leaped directly on to the porch without ever touching the steps. Thump, clump, scratch, scratch, I can still hear you. The scratches are all still there on the porch and I think I may never paint over them. I miss you big guy. I miss your smiling, happy face, your goofy expressions and your vocal noises. I miss the thumping of your tail on the walls, floors and my dryer. your tail never stopped until the last day. When you no longer had the energy to wag, well then I knew….does not make it easier, but I knew what I would have wanted if I was in your place. Just wish I could turn back time and snuggle your warm body, kiss the sweet spot between your eyes and pet your silky ears. I love you TY GUY!

8 weeks with wings

Ty shoe 3Ty shoe 4it has been 8 weeks since I have searched for a shoe. 8 weeks since I have picked up a shoe from the middle of the floor. it has been 8 weeks since I have put a guest’s shoes on the stair rail to keep you from dragging them off. It was, however a bit amusing to watch them search for their missing shoe. My son in law still puts his up out of habit. my husband said yesterday that it was nice to find his shoes where he had left them. I for one, would give anything just to have one of my shoes go missing. I always searched the back yard before rain or snow. I would rescue any stray shoes that were out there. You had a habit of dragging one shoe out and then getting another one as you came in the door. You always had a shoe in your bed with you. I read somewhere that dogs take our things because they contain our scent and it comforts them. That is why I wore a Tshirt and then left it for you when you had to stay away at the vets. I know that some of it was the Retriever in you, but I thought it was a cute little quirk. I bought you quite a few stuffed ducks and geese in your lifetime, but you usually ( with the exception of Mr. Duck) pretty much ignored them. Now live chickens, that was another story in an earlier blog. I still slip up occasionally and call out your name when I call in Chan and Lucy. Then that familiar punched in the stomach feeling comes over me. I will never stop missing you. there are still days when it hurts as badly as the beginning. I found your dimes the last few days. I know they are from you. I put them in my little silk bag where I keep your pennies. I am sorry the last few months of your life stunk so badly, so sorry baby. I miss you so much Ty Guy. I just want to curl up behind your big old body and snuggle one more time. These 2 pups here are not so much for snuggling. You would lay there forever if I wanted you to. I know one thing, I still wear that old pair of brown crocks out in the yard. One of them will eventually go into your box of things. I am sorry that I sometimes got annoyed when I was running late and couldn’t find my other shoe. I would say “TY! what did you do with my shoe/” you would just give me that big dopey grin. I hope that there are shoes at the bridge for you. Scrambled eggs too. You own a big piece of my heart Ty. I miss your shoe snatching and by the way, I am thankful that you had a thing for shoes and not underwear. Missing you! Love, Mommy