10 weeks and feels like yesterday:(

DSC_0068DSC_0072DSC_0071DSC_0070DSC_0069 Ty it has been 10 weeks today that you have not been physically here. My heart still hurts a lot and I am just beginning to accept the reality that you are not coming back. Most days I feel as if everyone else has moved on and I am somehow stuck. I finished, well almost finished, your scrapbook. I have found a few more pictures to add. I am afraid to get another Puppy because he wont be you. There will never be another TY and I have to face that fact. It is not a fair expectation to place on another dog. You were one of a kind my boy. I am sending Lucy and Chan to the doggie hotel soon and I am so nervous. Losing you has placed new fears in me. You always had such a good time there except I think your jumping could get a bit much. You watch over them ok? Please send me a picture, a penny or a dime and let me know you are ok. I found a 4 leaf clover from the lawn mower the other day. From you? I just looked down and there it was. I miss you as much today as when you first left. It is in some ways not as raw a pain, but it hurts as much because the permanence of this is setting in. I will never hug your neck again on earth and that makes me feel scared and sad.  The only thing that brings me any comfort at all is the fact that you no longer have pain. I am so very sorry it took me so long to accept that you were not going to beat this. These are a few pages from the scrapbook, will post more another day. Miss and love you my boy, Mommy




I was little once!

DSC_0065DSC_0066Found these today. Thank you my boy. I needed them. missing you a lot this week. Your brother got an upset tummy from some new food and he would not eat and just laid around. Brought back some memories of you feeling so bad. I am still looking for your bath picture. I got your scrapbook done, well, now I want to add these in. That would be a good thing, I finish and you keep sending pictures. Look at how Chandler is looking at you with such love in his eyes. We got you because we thought you were lonely. And who can forget Barky Brinkley, she is still pretty much the same. we must have been dog sitting her when this was taken. You guys had such fun running and romping in the yard together. I guess all in all, you probably thought you had life pretty good. Labs are always so happy and you were no exception. We have to redo the porch steps as they are sinking into the driveway. I know, you never used them anyway. You just leaped directly on to the porch without ever touching the steps. Thump, clump, scratch, scratch, I can still hear you. The scratches are all still there on the porch and I think I may never paint over them. I miss you big guy. I miss your smiling, happy face, your goofy expressions and your vocal noises. I miss the thumping of your tail on the walls, floors and my dryer. your tail never stopped until the last day. When you no longer had the energy to wag, well then I knew….does not make it easier, but I knew what I would have wanted if I was in your place. Just wish I could turn back time and snuggle your warm body, kiss the sweet spot between your eyes and pet your silky ears. I love you TY GUY!

8 weeks with wings

Ty shoe 3Ty shoe 4it has been 8 weeks since I have searched for a shoe. 8 weeks since I have picked up a shoe from the middle of the floor. it has been 8 weeks since I have put a guest’s shoes on the stair rail to keep you from dragging them off. It was, however a bit amusing to watch them search for their missing shoe. My son in law still puts his up out of habit. my husband said yesterday that it was nice to find his shoes where he had left them. I for one, would give anything just to have one of my shoes go missing. I always searched the back yard before rain or snow. I would rescue any stray shoes that were out there. You had a habit of dragging one shoe out and then getting another one as you came in the door. You always had a shoe in your bed with you. I read somewhere that dogs take our things because they contain our scent and it comforts them. That is why I wore a Tshirt and then left it for you when you had to stay away at the vets. I know that some of it was the Retriever in you, but I thought it was a cute little quirk. I bought you quite a few stuffed ducks and geese in your lifetime, but you usually ( with the exception of Mr. Duck) pretty much ignored them. Now live chickens, that was another story in an earlier blog. I still slip up occasionally and call out your name when I call in Chan and Lucy. Then that familiar punched in the stomach feeling comes over me. I will never stop missing you. there are still days when it hurts as badly as the beginning. I found your dimes the last few days. I know they are from you. I put them in my little silk bag where I keep your pennies. I am sorry the last few months of your life stunk so badly, so sorry baby. I miss you so much Ty Guy. I just want to curl up behind your big old body and snuggle one more time. These 2 pups here are not so much for snuggling. You would lay there forever if I wanted you to. I know one thing, I still wear that old pair of brown crocks out in the yard. One of them will eventually go into your box of things. I am sorry that I sometimes got annoyed when I was running late and couldn’t find my other shoe. I would say “TY! what did you do with my shoe/” you would just give me that big dopey grin. I hope that there are shoes at the bridge for you. Scrambled eggs too. You own a big piece of my heart Ty. I miss your shoe snatching and by the way, I am thankful that you had a thing for shoes and not underwear. Missing you! Love, Mommy