A year ago today, I dropped you off at the vet with high hopes for many, many months together. It wound up being measured in weeks rather than months, but I learned a lot form you in that short time. Things like, small things are really big things, A chair to snuggle into at night, an empty yogurt container, a full trash can and companionship. That is what you loved the most. Even when you were so sick, you could barely stand, your tail went a mile a minute when I walked into the room. I was remembering your Summer habit the other day. Being all black, you were not a fan of the heat. From puppyhood on, you would plop your body down right on top of the AC vent. Made the room a bit warmer, but I never minded. I miss you my boy. It is looking as if one of our boarder’s horses may be euthanized today. I need to go out there, but I am procrastinating. It is bringing some bad memories back. I am feeling blah. I just loaded the dryer and when I turned it on, I heard the familiar clanging of change. I open it and fish around, 2 pennies and a dime. Turn it on again, clang, clang, fish some more, 2 pennies, 1 dime, repeat, 2 dimes 1 penny, last time 1 dime and 3 pennies. I need to think that it is you, telling me that you are ok and still with me. 3 Tripawd finds and the last was 4. You are running on 4 today. Love and miss you so much My TY Guy.
This week has been a bit brutal. Just when I think I have finished, I get hit again. I just plain miss you my boy. I have not posted to your blog for awhile. Just felt the need to come here today. I just realized that last year at this time, we got your probable diagnosis. I will NEVER forget that punch in my stomach at the words, “I am pretty sure he has a tumor.” Oh how I hate cancer and what it did to you. You, my vibrant, active, goofy boy. Yesterday, I was hit with overwhelming grief at the thought of leaving you behind at the vet’s office on the day I let you go. To this day, I am not sure how I found the strength to get up, walk out and pay the bill. uggg! I remember holding you in my arms for a long time and tucking you in under the blanket they had given us. Just like I was putting you to bed. I could not look back. I had to just keep going. I had called my friend and I knew he was coming to get you. Then yesterday after feeling so blah, I found a penny. on the floor where I had swept earlier. Thank you! I know my family thinks I am a nut job about the pennies so I just treasure them for myself and add them to my ever growing collection in my bag. I got to looking at pictures after reading posts about (signs from the bridge). I always thought there was someone missing from this picture. I had taken it because I found the bed discrepancy a bit amusing. you would not have let that happen. You were a bit of a bed hog. You would run for the best bed. At a second look, I see the glowing spot on the floor and the ever present shoe. I know, I am just searching for comfort right now, but I will let my head believe. You are with me, you are tucked safely within my heart. If you can though…..please come and steal one of my shoes. Love Mommy