This week has been a bit brutal. Just when I think I have finished, I get hit again. I just plain miss you my boy. I have not posted to your blog for awhile. Just felt the need to come here today. I just realized that last year at this time, we got your probable diagnosis. I will NEVER forget that punch in my stomach at the words, “I am pretty sure he has a tumor.” Oh how I hate cancer and what it did to you. You, my vibrant, active, goofy boy. Yesterday, I was hit with overwhelming grief at the thought of leaving you behind at the vet’s office on the day I let you go. To this day, I am not sure how I found the strength to get up, walk out and pay the bill. uggg! I remember holding you in my arms for a long time and tucking you in under the blanket they had given us. Just like I was putting you to bed. I could not look back. I had to just keep going. I had called my friend and I knew he was coming to get you. Then yesterday after feeling so blah, I found a penny. on the floor where I had swept earlier. Thank you! I know my family thinks I am a nut job about the pennies so I just treasure them for myself and add them to my ever growing collection in my bag. I got to looking at pictures after reading posts about (signs from the bridge). I always thought there was someone missing from this picture. I had taken it because I found the bed discrepancy a bit amusing. you would not have let that happen. You were a bit of a bed hog. You would run for the best bed. At a second look, I see the glowing spot on the floor and the ever present shoe. I know, I am just searching for comfort right now, but I will let my head believe. You are with me, you are tucked safely within my heart. If you can though…..please come and steal one of my shoes. Love Mommy
((((hugs)))) this is SUCH a hard time of year … I know how you feel. I was reading my old posts yesterday and burst into tears. I dont’ know why I punish myself but I needed to read them.
I am with you on the pennies. I was walking out of a sports bar Sunday after the football games … albeit a bit buzzed and therefore not really 100% at attention and I looked down and saw a single penny. I KNEW it was from Shelby … she and I loved football sundays together! She was with me.
Hold onto those signs. They are ALWAYS there when we need them the most. They are ALWAYS with us. And we WILL all be together again!
Much love, my friend …. much love!
alison with the spirit of shelby fur-ever in her heart (and little jasper too)
((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Thinking of you. It sometimes is easier than others. I know yesterday I kept thinking of Sassy. I wanted to post but I didn’t it.
Have to share a funny story about the last penny I found. I get into the shower take my shower I know there wasn’t a penny in the shower when I got in there. As I get out I look down in the tub is a penny. Sassy HATED baths. She would tolerate it but if she didn’t want to get up & move I told her she would get a bath. That always got her up & moving. So why in the shower with me I guess I will never know but that penny went in the wine glass that someone made for me with all the others.
hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
Yes, ditto the ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) times a million!
The tears are flowing so hard right now. It just s eems impossible to not re-live those last days over and over and over. We all know they were just a “blink of an eye” as Jerry says, but somehow they still keep us separate from those wonderful thousands and thousanw of glorious days! Guess it’s just one more way that piece of crap disease tries to continue to take hold.
LORI you did everything possible for your Ty Guy and he knew it! I now we talk over and over about doing “it” “too soon”…,”too late”. We all need to remember that this crap disease put us in a position where its almost impossible to knlw what to do! You had EVERY REASON to keep fighting for Ty and looking for “causes” and “answers”. Tests were not showing it had spread, etc. so of course you wanted to keep digging and try and “fix” it…..there was no reason not to hope! And Ty was still showing signs of wanting to fight with you!!
And your perseverance paid off!! You DID discover the underlying disease of MSR . No one knew the extent the crap disease had taken on Ty. There was no reason not think that if you c o uld cure the MRSA he w o uld get better! You HAD to give him the best chance…and you DID!!! PLEASE KNOW THAT TO BE TRUE!!
I LOVE THE PENNY STORIES all you girls are having!! Makes me smile!!! One thing Stirling, Tahoe’s Dad does, is secure each one on an index card with the date and location. Always check the dates on the pennies to see if there is any significance there.
The photo of Chandler on the little bed and Lucy on the big bed…..too cute!!! The shoe and the glowing warm light…WOW!!! I love that!! Just beautiful!
We all love you Lori…and it will ALWAYS be “Lori & Ty”…ALWAYS!
Thank you for posting…I know it was hard…and we all understand.
Surrounding you with love and lots more hugs…and a few old flip flops!
Sally and My Eternal Light Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too
Hugs from here too. I love the pennies stories as well – Sally, I really like the idea of keeping track of the dates.
Lori, I am so sorry you’re having a rough week. I’m glad you’re finding some comfort in the pictures. My thoughts are with you and I so feel your pain.
Here’s to a better week filled with only happy memories of Ty and all the joy, love and laughter you both undoubtedly shared!
Kerry, missing my little Lily